oh how i despise being confused...its quite possibly the worst feeling on the face of the earth...and it consistantly interrupts my life with its ugly little face...why?? i dont understand what i did to deserve the amount of confusion that has ifiltrated my being...sigh...bleh

anywho first year of college is officially over and im officially 19...dont feel much different, one yr of college seems like an insane thing to alredy be done with but at the same time, im kinda glad it ended, i was getting unmotivated and full of partyfulledness that wasnt helping much of anything

i dont have a job for the summer anymore...sigh...freaking no kids wanting to do day camp..whats the deal freaking kids!! stupid parents...im so angry..meh oh well...ill deal...k well im out...ill be home soon...yay...

thanks for always being around xanga...

so i was having one of those moments where i just really needed to vent and no one was answering their phone...what good are friends when they don't answer you? geeze...and i had no one to talk to and everyone else around me was all happy so i didn't want to ruin that by venting and then i was like...xanga..the greatest venting place ever...where better to release everything than on a computer blog that no one reads anymore (and if you do...well im sry) and i can just go on and on without being told to shut up! it's a beautiful thing...so...im in this awkward stage in life where i feel like everything is falling apart around me and the only thing i can do is pretend to be happy all the time...i dont like that people expect me to be happy...just because im usually a really happy person and dont take many things seriously doesn't mean that shit doesn't happen to me...i cant complain about anything to anyone cuz they always think i dont think its a big deal...no matter what i say people dont realize anything...they just dont get it...and it makes me ticked off...and then there's the people that i just have to stop talking to because everytime i try to say how im feeling they just either try to make me feel better by telling me some sad story about themselves or worse just guilt trip me into feeling bad for them...in either case completely disregarding the feelings that i am trying to get across...its like i dont even matter...and its all about them...who cares that im going through shitty times..their life is obviously immensely worse than mine...i hate that so much...it pisses me off more than anything...why cant people understand that i have feelings too? its not always all about them...yea you might have problems to, but when im trying to tell you how i feel you have no right to bring up something that's just gonna make me feel bad for you and make me want to comfort you instead of working through what im alreayd going through...i thought that i mattered more than that..but apparantly i just dont...

welp i feel slightly a little better now...thanks xanga for always being there in my time of need :)